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Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Lately, it would seem, the VPOTUS, have been inclined toward the nuclear option; at least as far as the Senate is concerned, and that’s only fitting as this is where the term ‘nuclear option‘ originated.  They’ve also been rather partial to another colorful euphemism.

In  June 2004, during a heated exchange on the U.S. Senate floor about Halliburton’s role in the reconstruction of Iraq, Vice President Dick Cheney told Democratic senator Patrick Leahy, “fuck yourself”. Coincidentally, Cheney’s outburst occurred on the same day that the Defense of Decency Act was passed in the Senate.[18]

The difference is that when Dick Cheney uses the word it’s vitriolic, and personal. When Joe Biden uses it, it’s usually something good–for Democrats, and comedy writers.



Times when the ‘F-Bomb’ is appropriate.

passing a stone
starting your car (when it’s already started)
coming home to a burgled house
landing on the wrong planet
watching Avatar
seeing flashing lights in your rear-view mirror
quitting the Tonight Show
mixing tequila with wine and beer
forgetting your parachute
911
Vice President, accidentally shoots you in the face with a shotgun

Times when the ‘F-Bomb’ is in-appropriate.

during a Bris Milah
on a crowded elevator (unless it stops unexpectedly)
the doctor looks at your x-rays
your mom catches you doing anything
at your courtroom sentencing
after saying the words “I do.” at your wedding
this is your pilot speaking… F**k!
your kids start acting up at Wal-Mart
policeman asks you to roll down your window
you are the Vice President within fifty feet of a microphone

see also:  Swearing can make you feel better, lessen pain, BIG FUCKING DEAL – Joe Biden Mugs, Biden On ‘Big F—ing Deal’: Obama Loved ItBig Efin, white text Apron (dark), Fuck, Obamacare signing marred by Biden’s ‘fuck’ gaffe

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…as though Ed Wood Jr. had attempted to film a script by Thomas Pynchon about a script Pynchon secretly wrote to be adapted by Wood. — J. Hoberman Village Voice

Unrelentingly lurid and equally hilarious, Tribulation 99: Alien Anomalies Under America might be an X-ray of a rabid slacker’s seething brain… 48-minute[s]… of underground agitprop.

This nutty little item suggests that conspiracy thinking is a Frankenstein monster which inevitably destroys its creator (First you have the conspiracy theory, and then the conspiracy theory has you).

see also:  MOCK UP ON MUTribulation 99:  Alien Anomalies Under America, Appropriation & Culture Jamming, JFK – Craig Baldwin, Spectres of the Spectrum

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Categorized under: why is it doing that?  Remember that story back in 2002 where a coyote hopped on a commuter train in Portland?  Now they’re evolving! Growing and adapting to their new environs.

PORTLAND, OR — Authorities reported on Wednesday that a wild coyote was chased off the tarmac at Portland International Airport. The traveling prairie pooch, realizing that it wasn’t welcome to fly the friendly skies, proceeded to the Tri-Met Airport Terminal Station where it boarded the light-rail train bound for downtown.

After being refused airport service, traveling canine "Wiley" decided to take the Red Line train bound for downtown Portland.

The big bad coyote…er a make that a coywolf?  Coyotes and wolves, are mixing it up in the Eastern US–hybridizing themselves into a new species–punctuated evolution style.  “Word up dog!”

…mixing of coyote and wolf genes allowed the animal to rapidly evolve larger, more powerful jaws, better adapted to preying on whitetail deer.

see also:  Wandering Coyote Booted from Airport Hops a Train Instead, For coyotes, at least, study finds New Englanders a special breed

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Dr F, thought what he had, was a pretty good idea, in this blog entry, but the bloom is somewhat off the rose, as they say. NBC in their infinite wisdom, probably at the bequest of their lawyers, pulled the Al Gore interview off YouTube. Add to that, Conan’s sudden departure from the late-night television stage and well, as I said the bloom is off the rose.    

In his recent  appearance on ‘The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien,’ our ex. VP, made some scientifically ludicrous and very naïve statements about the Earth’s core and energy production, which his detractors, mined for gold.   Frankensteam, too, believed there was mileage in this material, but for now the threads that I/he am/is/was/were following, seem to have come unraveled.  

Al Gore on Conan O’Brien’s show the other day:  

Conan: Now, what about … you talk in the book about geothermal energy …  

Al: Yeah, yeah.  

Conan: and that is, as I understand it, using the heat that’s generated from the core of the earth …  

Al: Yeah.  

Conan: … to create energy, and it sounds to me like an evil plan by Lex Luthor to defeat Superman. Can you, can you tell me, is this a viable solution, geothermal energy?  

Al: It definitely is, and it’s a relatively new one. People think about geothermal energy — when they think about it at all — in terms of the hot water bubbling up in some places, but two kilometers or so down in most places there are these incredibly hot rocks, ’cause the interior of the earth is extremely hot, several million degrees, and the crust of the earth is hot …  

Now, if the learned ex-VPOTUS, had just said–thousands of degrees…  

The fact is, deep geo-thermal, does have historical president (no pun intended), as the below links to ‘The Deepest Hole,’ prove. Both the defunct Soviet Union, and the Western Block scientific communities, were actively involved in research into this futuristic technology, and dear children, they still are!   

All the links with the exception of the ‘goddess Gaia and Al Gore is her prophet,’ still work, and more my follow, but for now, this has turned into a dry hole.  Sorry Charlie. 

 –Dr F. 

A developing story.  Maybe.       

Giai, Goddess of the Earth with her Consort, Aion and their four children

How come the Arctic’s melting, and how hot ‘is’ the center of the Earth, and are polar bears [really] in peril, and why ‘is’ Al Gore saying all those terrible things about our mother, Gaia ?          

Speeking of which, why did the Russians… er-ah, Soviet Union, ex-of, try ta dig a hole to the center of the Earth, and what did they find there?          

Round and round she goes and where she stops, nobody knows. Frankensteam’s on a roll.          

…stay tuned, kids!          

see also:  The Deepest Hole, GAIA, There is only one goddess Gaia and Al Gore is her prophet, Mel’s Hole, Conan O’Brien,  and so much more, your head will swim.

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He’s no angel but he sure is a felon, now. By definition, a felon is someone who commits a felony.

Joe Angel Felan

Joe Angel Felan

Waco…wanted in connection to a drive-by shooting Saturday that killed 20-year-old Carnelyuis Fields. Joe Angel Felan, 22…is one of three people charged in his murder.

Felan and a yet-to-be-indentified third suspect are still at large.

see also: Waco police seek two suspects in drive-by shooting, Waco man, 25, arrested in drive-by-shooting death, Police seek second in drive-by murder, Felon (film), a 2008 drama film starring Val Kilmer

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An irate father, finds 23-year-old Florida man — in bed with his 14-year-old daughter!

0723091ainside1

Jose Antonio Torres.

The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a small red bicycle. He was soon nabbed however, by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report.

Pictures or it never happened

As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn.

0723091naked1

Police evidence photo: barely covers crime.

Torres, who has a large birth mark on the right side of his face, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond.

Report follows — heavily redacted

0723091naked2
see also: The Spoking Gun

Cops: Father found Florida man in bed with 14-year-old daughter
JULY 23–Meet Jose Antonio Torres. The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a red bicycle. He was soon nabbed by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report. As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn. Torres, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond. (2 pages)
Cops: Father found Florida man in bed with 14-year-old daughter
JULY 23–Meet Jose Antonio Torres. The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a red bicycle. He was soon nabbed by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report. As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn. Torres, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond. (2 pages)
Cops: Father found Florida man in bed with 14-year-old daughter
JULY 23–Meet Jose Antonio Torres. The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a red bicycle. He was soon nabbed by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report. As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn. Torres, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond. (2 pages)
Cops: Father found Florida man in bed with 14-year-old daughter
JULY 23–Meet Jose Antonio Torres. The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a red bicycle. He was soon nabbed by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report. As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn. Torres, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond. (2 pages)
Cops: Father found Florida man in bed with 14-year-old daughter
JULY 23–Meet Jose Antonio Torres. The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a red bicycle. He was soon nabbed by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report. As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn. Torres, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond. (2 pages)
Cops: Father found Florida man in bed with 14-year-old daughter
JULY 23–Meet Jose Antonio Torres. The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a red bicycle. He was soon nabbed by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report. As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn. Torres, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond. (2 pages)
Cops: Father found Florida man in bed with 14-year-old daughter
JULY 23–Meet Jose Antonio Torres. The Florida man, 23, was allegedly having sex Tuesday morning with his 14-year-old girlfriend when the teen’s father discovered the pair in bed. After being punched several times by the father, a bleeding and naked Torres fled the girl’s home on a red bicycle. He was soon nabbed by Altamonte Springs cops, who spotted Torres “traveling from behind a closed business on a bicycle…the male suspect appeared to be nude,” according to a police report. As seen in the below evidence photo, Torres and his getaway vehicle were corralled on someone’s front lawn. Torres, pictured in the above mug shot, was charged with felony sexual battery charge and booked into the Seminole County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $25,000 bond. (2 pages)

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Rowdy Round Rock

Deputies Investigated

Nowhere, but Texas!

In this photo provided by the Midland County, (Texas) Sheriff, an unidentified waitress at Twin Peaks Restaurant and Bar posses for a photo in Round Rock, Texas, Aug. 10, 2009. Midland County Sheriff Gary Painter fired one deputy and suspended three others without pay for the photos of a waitress holding a rifle sitting on a Midland County patrol car. Round Rock officers were dispatched to the restaurant after someone reported the waitress with the weapon, which had been given to her by one of the deputies who had been attending a training session near Austin. (AP Photo/Midland County Sheriff)

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Pets Creature Shelter CatsHow ’bout, “Cats For Clunkers?”

This poster released by the Michigan Humane Society shows the poster for ‘Catfax’ which allows would be owners to get the history of their ‘new’ cat before they adopt. (AP Photo/Michigan Humane Society)

see also: Michigan Humane Society

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REDONKULUS!?!

DanielSsquirrelbomb-P

Your vacation pictures… become squirrelcation pictures. See links, below.
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Now YOU can add your very own ‘Redonk’ squirrel to any hosted photo!… ’cause I know you people have nothin’ better ta do: squirrelizer

Follow the instructions — scroll down ta get yer squirrelized picture.

see also: here’s the original, thisisphotpbomb, cuteoverload, redonk, redonkulusUrban Dictionarysquirrelizer

BTW. This was all popularized on Countdown: With Keith Olbermann, last week. If you watched that show, you’d be as cool as I am. Have fun, kids!

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Gidget, late 1990’s spokesdog for the Taco Bell restaurants, has gone to her reward.

Born, Montemorelos Nuevo Leon Constanza Jaunita Jesus de Gedgitita, her acting teacher Marco Perella, suggested the name “Gidget,” over margarita’s at their Georgetown home. The name stuck –and the rest was history.

Her early years were spent chasing ‘ardillas‘ (spanish for squirrels) and gnawing on the pecans that fell to the ground under a giant tree in the back yard.

An observable talent for drama, Gidget developed her acting muscles under the teaching duo of Marco and Diane Perella, the famed comedy team responsible for The Melancholy Ramblers.

Turned down for the role of Underdog, ostensibly because her ears were too big.

bigger-box

Gidget: December 25, 1994 -- July 21, 2009

The chihuahua came to fame, after the phrase, “¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!” smashed into the public consciousness. Later, the fearless pooch’s utterance; “Here lizard, lizard, lizard,” went viral during the promotion of the 1998 remake of “Godzilla.” The film stared Matthew Broderick as Dr. Niko Tatopoulos. The actor could not be reached for comment but a spokesperson for Mr. Borderick said he was “grief stricken” at the news.

During the summer of 1998, several commercials pairing Godzilla with the Taco Bell mascot were produced and aired, including several with the chihuahua trying to catch Godzilla in a tiny box, whistling and calling, “Here, lizard, lizard, lizard.” When Godzilla appears, the chihuahua says, “Uh-oh. I think I need a bigger box.”

Some…accused the dog of being a thinly veiled cultural stereotype. The company stopped showing the dog in advertisements in 2000. It was incorrectly rumored that Taco Bell ended the commercials because the dog died.

Legal troubles

Dogged by claims of racial and cultural insensitivity, She pressed on — through the last decade of her life Gidget, managed to regain some of the credibility lost her after a spate of legal battles with her corporate masters. In the Surpreme Court ruling: Gidget vs Taco Bell, justices ruled 8 to 1 in her favor, citing Stare decisis et non quieta movere. Justice Thomas, being the lone dissenter.

Drug and alcohol abuse

Depressed by the stink left in the wake of her all too short film career, penny-less unemployable, Gidget sought solace in the bottle. Friends were horrified when they discovered she had chewed her tail ragged. Only after months of detox and obediance training, was she able to reinvent her life.

Retiring years

Her retiring years were not totally spent in ruminating over what might have been. There were times of relaxation –sitting in her chair in front of the air conditioner she dreamed of the glory days to come, forgetting her past stardom.  Even so, the stress of legal wrangling took it’s toll. In 2004, Gidget was found wandering her neighborhood, dazed and confused. It was later reveled in her memoirs, she had “O. D.” on food scraps and chicken bones left in the kitchen trash can.

Political activism

Again, on the road to recovery, an awakening sense of political activism pushed Gidget into the limelight once more. Thrilled by the nomination of Sotomayor…urged her fellow pooches to stop making Supreme Court nominations like Sonia Sotomayor’s a “battle over our culture.”

…called Sotomayor’s hard-knocks life “a helluva story,” though she disagreed with some of her views.

At the time of her passing Gidget was developing a screenplay,  based on the book “A Dog’s Life, The Autobiography of a Stray” by Ann M. Martin.

Gidget died of a stroke on Tuesday, July 21, 2009. She was 15.

see also:  The Taco Bell dog has Died, For Whom The Taco Bell TollsTaco Bell ChihuahuaGodzilla (1998 film)

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